Joie de vivre

On my first day of work at my current job – my first REAL job – my first PROFESSIONAL job – when I got to my new desk in my first-ever cube… with all the excitement and anxiety that come with learning a new job, new co-workers and a new city… waiting for me on that desk, were flowers. Red tulips in a purple vase. And a card. “We’re so glad you’re here,” it said.

They were from Heidi. My new boss. The woman who hired me, brought me to Louisville, the city I now warmly call home. She hired me even though I have no degree in journalism. She hired me even though I had very little academic training in radio. She seemed proud that she’d hired someone with a music degree, that she could see something in me beyond the black-and-white of my resume. She told me later what it was. She saw herself.

Heidi passed away on Saturday after a long and sometimes painful ordeal. She was diagnosed with cancer more than two years ago. And as we all know, it isn’t usually the cancer that gets you, it’s the treatment. It wears your body down until small health problems become huge health problems. Life-threatening health problems. In Heidi’s case, they were pretty big health problems that happened all at once and became too much for her heart to take. It’s hard to imagine anything defeating that heart.

Her heart was full, joyful, boisterous and strong. She wasn’t a ‘candle in the wind’. She was a force.

On one of Louisville’s local news blogs, the author wrote the headline, “WFPL’s Caravan loses battle with cancer.”

Wrong, wrong, wrong, blogger.

I’ve always hated that metaphor, but it’s outrageously inaccurate when it comes to Heidi. Throughout her treatment, her sense of humor never faded. Notice there I didn’t say it never went away… it never even FADED. Not even a little. Her laugh remained her signature characteristic. When she started losing bone strength and had to use a walker or wear a neck brace, she faced those challenges with a determination I can only hope I possess if ever faced with tremendous adversity (which I almost certainly will).

She was magnetic.
She was radiant.
She was steadfast.

She lived life with a joie de vivre I have never seen exhibited in another human being.

She has left an imprint of love, warmth, boldness and sassiness on all of us.

In the end, I’m glad her suffering is over. Her last few weeks were painful and I can only imagine must have felt extremely lonely and helpless. I’m glad the hospitals and the pain and the meds and the needles are over.

But I can still wish they never started.



Standby...


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Summer Days Driftin' Away...

This is the summer that taught me you don’t have to be in school for summer to be awesome. Therefore, on this first day of fall, I bid a proper adieu to the best summer I’ve had since band camp started in August (ha!).


The Little Things

Last summer was TERRIBLE. It was probably because I lived in a place with giant, old, single-paned windows that were beautiful but also turned my apartment into a giant Stephanie-bake oven. And there was only one, tiny, puny window-unit A/C. So I had to move my life into my spare bedroom, buy a new, extremely light set of pj’s and snuggle a bag of frozen biscuits just to get to sleep. It was not fun.

Let’s just say living in a place with central air was seriously, seriously underrated in my life until then. Now, I heart central air.



Friendships blossoming like non-drought-stricken wildflowers

Last summer, there was a drought. Yucky. Dry. Humid. Ick. This summer, not so much.

And much like the beautiful Kentucky bluegrass this summer, my personal friendships have grown in a way that can only be considered an example of God’s love for us. Between pool days, an awesome staycation, summer Bible study, and even the growth that comes with personal trials for each of us, I have seen our friendships grow into genuine love.

Sometimes I look at these girls and I don’t even see people anymore. I see Warmth. Radiance. Love. Happiness. God. In each of them. I’m pretty blessed.


The Kiddos

I started volunteering with the elementary ministry this summer. It’s now on the list of the Top Five Best Things I’ve Ever Done. And to be honest, I really wrestled with God on this one.

Over a year and a half ago, a good friend planted the seed (that’s right, that seed thing really works!) about why elementary ministry is so important and what it says in the Bible about building strong foundations when people are young. I remember thinking it was really great of her to work with children, but it was definitely something for which I had no inclination.

I knew I needed to stop being a leech and DO some work at church. It wasn’t even that I thought I HAD to. I really wanted to, this church has truly blessed me in so many ways, I wanted to be part of it from the inside, contribute something, etc., etc. I tried many, many things. In between failed attempts, I remembered the elementary ministry. Each time, I thought, ‘there’s GOT to be SOMETHING I can help with here other than that!’. I was even going to go on a mission trip to Ukraine – constantly praying, searching for where God wanted me.

Then my friend Ann (you know the one) asked me to help out with her fourth graders over Easter weekend. Things get a little hectic at Southeast over Easter weekend and not only did they need extra hands, some of the hands they were used to having around weren’t going to be there. So I helped. And it was great.

A few weeks later, I was sitting at church, watching the video about giving kids side-hugs and checking the code on their sticker before releasing them to an adult. It’s been several weeks now and I just can’t tell you how blessed the experience has been.

Sure, I don’t always know what I’m doing. And almost every week a kid sees right through me and knows I’m just making things up as I go.

But.

(this is a really big but, here, folks…)

But almost every week, a little girl with brown hair and tiny freckles looks up at me during our very child-like worship and grabs my hand as she shouts “I believe in Jesus!” at the top of her lungs…

….a little boy named Logan, who comes in early, tells me in that breathless-sometimes incoherent-first-grader way about his week from that precious, childlike perspective in which important thing seem unimportant and unimportant things seem important.

…and the list goes on and on… and now I can’t imagine my life without these wonderful kids.


And as if that wasn’t great enough…

I also met Duncan while serving with the kids. Loyal readers to this blog will remember I’ve written only a few sentences about the person I’m dating. Here’s where you get a few more details.

Turns out, he IS real.

(backing up) When you grow up watching Cinderella roughly 87,923,851 brazillion times, you have a certain idea of romance and how it’s supposed to go. Then you actually start dating people and realize that’s not how it goes at all. In fact, nowhere near that. And in my case, you start thinking maybe it doesn’t actually exist for anyone. (don’t cry for me Argentina, it gets better)

You date guys who give very little to the relationship, while you pour out your heart and soul (and love) and get very little in return. And you start to think that’s just how guys are.

It’s not.

Enter Duncan.

I’m not going to sit here and spew forth gushy details, but I will say he is teaching me (and showing me) that true romance still exists. Genuine, chivalrous, pure, old-fashioned romance. Courtship.

And I will always be grateful for that, no matter how ‘we’ work out.

Though I will say things are pretty awesome right now…


Blind Spots 2008 Update

Doc says the ‘blister’ that had formed in the back of my eye, and was causing my blind spots, is completely gone. My retina is just catching up in healing itself and it could take a few weeks, but my vision should come back completely. It was a pretty scary situation and I didn’t fully realize how scary it was until I saw the doctor’s relieved reaction when he looked at the back of my eye on Friday.

But the Lord is good. And wise. And perfect. And I will find joy in whatever he has for me.

Happily, it looks like what he has for me is a healthy right eye in a few weeks (thanks, God).


So farewell to a great summer… and on to my favorite of all the seasons, autumn.

Can’t wait.



Standby…



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Do YOU have power?

When someone at church asks you randomly if you’re going to the U-of-L football game that afternoon, it means THAT person is going to the U-of-L game that afternoon.

It took me a couple of weekends to realize this.

When there’s been a huge windstorm in your city and someone asks you ‘do you have power?’, it means they don’t.

It took me about 5 seconds to realize this.

Yes, yes, Louisville has been ravaged with the remnants of Ike. He left behind him a path of destruction that looks a lot like the dollhouse in the 1st grade orange room at church when the boys are finished with it.

On a much more serious note, I’m actually a little ashamed of how long it took me to realize the severity of the situation. I mean, MY electricity is on (75-percent of the city lost theirs); and MY car wasn’t smashed by a giant, falling tree; sure, a tree fell in front of the entrance to the condo… I just walked around it, no big deal.

Wrong again, Steph. Bad, bad things are happening and you just happen to be a really lucky freak-of-a-Louisvillian.

Okay, so most of the city is without power and won’t have it for two weeks. (Dear power company, you aren’t fooling us, we know you’re giving us a really long deadline so that when you fix things much more quickly, we love you. It will still probably work. So… good job.) Also, it makes it difficult to get gas and groceries when no one has power. So these are all challenges.

People are getting pretty complain-y.

Here’s the thing: we got Ike about, oh… A THOUSAND MILES away from where it first made landfall. Other people have it much, much worse. That hurricane had a thousand miles over land to get weaker and weaker and weaker. I mean, it didn’t even have any RAIN when it got here. So let’s suck it up, folks! Seriously.

It’s the worst power outage in the history of Kentucky. But things could be much worse. Let’s just pretend we’re camping for a few days.

The Flip Side

On a more positive side to the same story, it’s actually been a bit of a blessing. I already live with one of my BFFs and the other two don’t have power, so we’ve been having a slumber party every night! Homemade dinner last night with my friends gathered in the one place we collectively have electricity was pretty awesome. (thanks for knocking out the power to teach me that, God. I know, I’m pretty dense sometimes)

Vision Update

Thanks for checking up on me, guys. My vision has been steadily improving with the medicine the doctor gave me (yay!). I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday and my only concern is that the spots haven’t completely gone away. They’re much less opaque, but still there. So we’ll have to wait and see. I hope I don’t have to do all those eyeball tests again because they were pretty torturous. If I’d had something to spill, I totally would have.




Standby….


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You guys need help?

Last weekend, in the midst of Birthday Extravaganza, I drove over a concrete slab.

You know, one of those blocks of concrete that are supposed to keep you from hitting other peoples’ cars in the parking lot. I drove OVER one.

I’m not proud of it. I was pretty embarrassed when it happened. I’m actually STILL pretty embarrassed about it, but I’m writing about it anyway because there’s a larger issue here I want to point out.

First I need to give you a little more background (that first part was what my JO1 (journalism 1) teacher and fave-teacher-of-my-life Miss Umfress would call ‘the hooker’).

After that awesome day at the lake I wrote about in the previous post, after we’d all said our goodbyes in the parking lot and I loaded up my BFFs in the car, I waved to my folks and thought ‘awesome, there’s no car in front of me, I can pull through, I don’t even need to back up! (apparently, I hate backing up)’. So I pulled forward, and ker-KLUNK!

You should know I drive a Jetta. It’s pretty low to the ground. And not really known for it’s off-road capabilities. So I frequently accidentally scrape its very-low plastic bumper-protector thingie on curbs and such. So that made a lot of noise. Also, I didn’t really stop on TOP of the concrete slab. I went all the way over, so there was also a pretty alarming noise of the undercarriage behind my tires whamming into the concrete.

I put the car in park, turned it off, looked back at my dad and brother. To their credit, they didn’t give me a hard time. They really could have. It was a really stupid thing to do. They just sprang into dad-and-brother action. Analyzed the situation, went into the forest to find rocks and logs and such to build a ramp to help the trip BACK over the concrete slab a little less traumatic.

While they’re doing that, there’s a guy who walks by, gives the situation the once-over, keeps walking. When the guy comes back, he says ‘are you guys stuck on that concrete?’. Yes. Yes, we are. “Well, I’ve got some of my brothers with me, they’re just over there, we could probably help you lift it up over that thing’.

Pause. This man, who is a stranger to us, is offering to help LIFT MY CAR. WITH HIS HANDS. LIFT. THE. CAR.

Unpause.

So, naturally, we agree that is a better option than building a ramp with rocks and sticks. So he leaves for a minute, comes back with three or four guys (who are ALL willing to LIFT A CAR) and ‘their women’, one of whom immediately told me that looked like something she would do, and they lift the car over the concrete slab.

It was pretty incredible.

Fast forward to the very next day:

The perfect end to the Birthday Extravaganza Weekend was an outdoor concert at Norton Commons (there may be a whole other blog post just on this particular development, so I won’t get into it much now). The lovely Ann was singing with a swing jazz group, the weather was perfect, the music was great, blankets in the grass, awesomeness.

On the way to a restaurant after that, my friend Crystal (who was following us) called and said she smelled something burning and could see smoke coming out from under her hood. Yikes. She safely pulls into the parking lot and we make sure she gets safely out of her car. THIRTY SECONDS LATER (we haven’t really even figured out yet how to handle this situation), a guy in a mini van pulls around and asks if we need help.

Why, yes. Yes, we do.

Then this man gets out of his car, leaves the woman I assume is his wife in there, she seems totally fine with it, unplugs whatever it was that was smoking, tells Crystal what the problem is, calls his friend the mechanic for a number for a tower, and gives her advice on how to deal with the mechanic later. (amazing!)

After he leaves, while Crystal and I are standing in this parking lot while she talks to he mom (same thing I would do), calls her insurance people, calls a tower, calls a mechanic; probably half a dozen people offered to help us. Offered a jump (sorry, it’s worse than that). Offered a ride (sorry, we don’t get in cars with people we don’t know, but thanks). Offered a phone. Offered to stay with us. (amazing!!)


Is this amazing, selfless generosity happening because we live in the south (or the Midwest, however you want to look at it)? Because Vivie made a comment about how if the lake incident happened in Miami, no one would be offering to help, they’d be videoing the situation on their phones so they could post it to YouTube later.


Is it happening because God is watching out for us?

I think it’s a little bit of both. And I’m grateful for both. And the two chances in two days I got to see it working out in such a big and obvious way in my life.


Standby….



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Best. Birthday. Ever.

If you read Ann's blog (which you should), you'll remember how she's always going on about these perfect, shimmering, shining, infinite moments of love and amazement. Well, as it turns out, she doesn't have the market cornered on those.

Proof:

Surround yourself with the people you love. As much as you can. This is my new policy.

Explanation:

As you probably know, Friday was my birthday. Big 2-6.

I feel pretty good about it.

I’m usually a big fan of my birthday. I don’t really understand it when people don’t like their birthdays. I guess I like it so much because my family has always made a really big deal about it, and its nice to feel ridiculously special for a day.

And I did feel ridiculously special this year, but for a different reason than I usually do. I guess the stark disparity of my life in Louisville three years ago compared to my life in Louisville today has made me a much more grateful person.

(I’m verging on pathetic here and I’m trying to not dive over the edge)

Let’s just say that in the beauty of a September afternoon on a lake surrounded by a forest, with the sun in my face and surrounded by friends and family, I felt like it was God’s way of giving me a good, long, warm birthday hug. In my debrief of the day and its awesomeness, I realized something God's been changing in my heart... this birthday wasn't great because people sang to me, or got me presents (those WERE nice, though) or because I got to eat a lot of sweets. That HAS been the case in the past.

This year's birthday was great because of the people I got to spend it with. Those relationships are worth more than all the gold in the world. I guess I'm appreciating those relationships more and more as I get older, as I learn more about what makes me who I am, about what is really valuable in life.

Okay, enough with my sappiness. On with the pictures! Here are a few of my favorites:

This was actually the night before Boat Day, my actual birthday. True story: Sept. 5 is also my friend Crystal's birthday. Same day. Same year. We're like twins, except born really far apart geographically. So not really. This was our first birthday as BFFs and I must say it was really awesome sharing all those experiences with her! This is us blowing out candles at Bonefish. Let me correct that: this is us PRETENDING to blow out candles at Bonefish. It was the first of many, many fake blowing-out-of-candles-for-a-picture of the weekend.

Vivie, Ann, Crystal, Me. The four gals. Mark my words, this picture will be in a frame. We're wearing long sleeves because it was pretty chilly zipping along the lake that morning.

Here's how this conversation went:

Jeremy: I'm going to dive off the boat.

Me: Awesome! Wait! Let me get a picture!

(everyone else hears of the plan while I get the camera)

Everyone else with way more reason than me: Um, that's a bad idea, we have no idea how deep the water is here, you could really get hurt.

Me: Oh. Ye-ah.... safety.

Jeremy: It's okay, I'll just pretend so you can take a picture.

Me: I love my birthday.

Um....yeah. You're jealous now, aren't you?

It's okay. God made days like that for all of us. You'll get some too. :)

Standby...

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My Life Boiled Down to One Word

Hey ya'll! Sorry it's been a week. blah blah blah excuses excuses excuses.

Anyhoo - here are some highlights on what I've been up to:

Saturday - Fancy Farm Wedding

There is a place in Kentucky called Fancy Farm. That's the NAME of the town. There is also a lot of Sun Drop there. That is the NAME of a soda. It tastes a lot like Mt. Dew. I went there Saturday for a wedding uniting two people from my Bible study. This conversation pretty much sums up the experience at Fancy Farm:

(at the reception, where the tables were so close, your butt was touching the person behind you, and the tables we so long, you had to shimmy for at least 30 feet if you wanted to do something outrageous like get food)

A conversation between dude sitting across the table from me, but a few seats down, and me.

dude (in a REALLY country accent) (actually to someone else): We're from Carlisle.
me (to him): Wait - did you say you're from Carlisle?!
dude: ye-ah
me (really excited because no one there is even from LOUISVILLE, much less Carlisle): Oh my gosh! I'm from PARIS!!
dude: (blank stare)
me (a little less excited): you know, in Bourbon County?.....right next to Nicholas County?..... where Carlisle is?
dude: (blank stare)
me (remembering it took four hours to get there): Are you from Carlisle, TENNESSEE?
dude: naw, I'm from Carlisle COUNTY.
me (disappointed): oh.
dude (chews his gum)
me: we were THIS CLOSE to being best friends.

So now you know all you need to know about Fancy Farm!

Sunday - church, church, Nannie visit, UK/UoL Football game, bowling til 2am

Here's the thoughts I choose to share from this day:

The annual UK/UofL Football Game is SERIOUS business in the state of Kentucky. My peeps in NC get it. But I'm going to be honest, it was a little disturbing when Sunday morning in a worship service for KINDERGARTENERS, FIRST AND SECOND GRADERS there was almost a riot when then worship leader asked who was rooting from Kentucky and who for Louisville. These are four to seven year olds, people. They almost tore the place down. What are we doing to them?!?

I love football. And I appreciate a good rivalry. But WHOA.

The real stuff

Since those fun-loving days of last weekend, I've been plagued with something a little more real and a lot more scary. I've developed blind spots in my right eye. Not the ones that come and go. Ones that stay and make me not be able to see things.

I'm not going to get into the details here, but I will say I've been to the doctor, I'm on some medicine that will hopefully fix it. If this medicine doesn't fix it there's a very real chance I'll just have to live with blind spots in my right eye.

Before I got this diagnosis, I was scared. Trouble with your eyes can mean a lot of things, guys, and I wasn't sure I wanted to hear whatever it was. Here's what kept going through my head as I waited.... waited for the doctor to see me, waited for my eyes to dialate, waiting for the next series of tests, waited for red dye to travel through my body some more before we took more pictures of my eyes...waiting.

"What love the Father has lavished on us! That we should be called his children! That is what we are!"

Its 1 John 3:1. It takes me to a place that isn't scary. It reminds me of all the promises He's made us. The plans he has for us. I close my eyes and remember the pictures that are painted in the Bible of the New Jerusalem... how majestic it will be just because God is there. Jasper. Gold. Pearls. I've never seen it. Same thing with Heaven. I have a pretty awesome picture of it. I don't need my eyes to see those things.

Don't get me wrong. I want to be able to see things. I want the blind spots to go away because they're pretty annoying. But my faith and trust is in Him. And I'd rather see Him, see Heaven, see New Jerusalem, than see this computer screen I'm staring at right now.

So I'm thinking about these things while I'm waiting on the retinal specialist to examine me... I go into his exam room, there are more flashy lights... he lays the seat back so I'm laying flat to do one of the exams and while I'm laying there he's asking me a bunch of questions: Do you drink or eat a lot of caffeine? Do you take daily medicine for anything? Do you take antihistamines for your allergies? (you know, easy stuff, then WHAM) Would you say your life is stressful? or peaceful?

All the other answers had been pretty quick... but this one, I paused. I think the pause startled him and because they'd already given me a bunch of injections and crazy eye drops, he asked if I was okay. Yep, I'm okay. So... stressful? or peaceful?

Peaceful. Wonderful. Joyful. Do I have to stop there?

Then we proceeded with doctor questions...

But, really, that was the perfect question to bring this whole blind spot fiasco into perspective: It was a total of three days from when I first started experiencing the blind spots from when I had an appointment and in that time, my friends and family had rushed to my side to be of service in any way possible. My friends here in Louisville altered their schedules so I had someone to take me to the appointment and someone to drive me to get my prescription and then home. My family members were doing research and emailing me things to look for, questions to ask, etc. Everyone was sending me texts with well wishes and prayers. And more important than texts, I could FEEL those prayers the morning of the appointment. I could feel them collectively like a big hug of warmth and security.

My cup truly runneth over.



I'll keep you posted on my vision. It'll be a couple of weeks before we know if the drugs are working. Meanwhile I'll be praying that whatever His plan is here, it will be worked out in a way that glorifies Him. And I know you will too.

Love you guys...


Standby...


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