A Dispatch from the Bridal Whirlwind

(Part One)

A week ago, I walked to my car outside the condo to go to work. A lady who was just moving into our building shouted from her car, “You must be Vivian’s roommate!” This is not surprising, Vivian befriends everyone in Dorsey Hills. So I kept walking (running late), and shouted back cheerfully, “Yep! That’s me!” Then she replied, “The one who’s getting married!” Me, “Yep! Me Again!” Lady: “…and who’s never here.” (breath removed, jaws clenched)

I felt really bad about that for a half a day. My head filled with concern about the kind of bride I am, and how it isn’t lining up with the kind of bride I always thought I would be. I’ve watched brides-to-be virtually disappear from their friends’ lives, and thought to myself what a horrible friend she must be. On this side of it, it looks very different.

(Before I go on, let me say very briefly: I am indeed at the condo every night. The reason that lady thinks I’m never there is because I’m never there during WAKING hours.)

The reason I’m okay with being a different kind of bride than I always thought I would be is because I previously had a completely unreasonable idea of what this period of life is like. I would notice brides disappearing from her friends’ lives and think “can’t she just keep things they way they were (job, friends, roommates, church, etc) and just ADD in all that other stuff (fiance’, wedding planning, family merging, etc.)?”

The answer is no. No, she can’t. You see, there’s this little thing called time. And there’s only such much of it. That might sound harsh, but it’s true. That doesn’t mean she loves her friends any less, or doesn’t miss them, it just means there are priorities that are different at this exact moment.

All that being said, it will say this loudly, proudly, and on the internet (which means it must be true): If I drop off the face of the earth after we’re married, slap me around.

(Part Two)

Sunday, Duncan and I worked for nine hours on assembling invitations. I decided to save us some money and make the invites, which created a lot more work for us. So Sunday was nine hours, and last night was another four hours, but they’re finally done. It’s a long, tedious process with many, many, many, many steps, and my brain was mush when it was over.

Last night, I came home, tired and cranky and feeling like I wanted to cry, and I checked my email. There were about fifteen emails from Facebook telling me Ann had left a bunch of comments on the photo album about the antique place in Nonesuch, Kentucky. They were funny and perfect and they made me laugh.

So I sat there in my bed, at 1:15am, grinning vaguely at my computer screen, thinking of Ann and what she would have said if she’d been there that night. She would have said, “Can you believe it? THESE are your WEDDING invitations! They’re going in the mail, and people are going to show up and YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!” And it would have been impossible not to smile.

And that made me think of the last couple of weeks: How I’ve been terribly emotional for no reason at all. How I’ve been forgetting things (like the appointment to pick up…something important (cough) my wedding dress. How awesome Viv is to me when I really don’t even know what’s going on in her life right now. How when Crystal texted on Friday to maybe have dinner that night I seriously thought maybe I could schedule to have dinner with her a week from Tuesday. How I’m lost… caught up… in this bridal whirlwind that is exciting and exhausting and selfish and giving and delicate and momentous and frustrating and tedious and hopeful and consuming all at the same time.

And how I’m not very good at stopping it.

Makes me think of the time when I got engaged, and the world that night was joy and laughter and smiles and phone calls and tears and shrieks and claps and champagne and prayer and dancing and congratulations and Ann grabbing my hand – looking me in the eye – stopping the whirlwind – and saying “friend, you’re getting married!”

Thump. Joy.

And the time I finally got the three of them together and we had their dresses AND their shoes in the same place so I could look at them and that night was laughter and loving the dress and sassy shoes and modeling and I-haven’t-see-you-this-week-how-are-you and hairdos and hemlines and lace overlays and Ann touching my shoulder – looking me in the eye – stopping the whirlwind – and saying “these are the dresses we’re going to wear WHEN YOU GET MARRIED!”

Thump. Joy.

She’s so good at that. It doesn’t take long. Just a few seconds. But you have to think to do it.

And I never truly appreciated it until last night.

So I’m going to try to be better. For the next 81 days – this is my goal.

Stop the whirlwind. FEEL the JOY.

(Lord, hear my prayer.)

Standby….

.